I appreciate everyone’s kind and generous wishes from my post of last night. The events of yesterday are still fresh in my mind and there is not an affiliate channel carrying regular programming nor have they since yesterday afternoon. I doubt I will be seeing glimpses of The View or NCIS for the rest of the week, and rightly so. Our country and indeed the world have come to our aid in the form of well wishes and tangible needs – we all thank you. The death toll started at 21 and rose to as high as 93 but at this time is back down to 24. I believe it will be a while until we know for sure. The twister that is now termed an F-5 tornado tore apart some and reunited others – it has also changed many person’s perspective, including mine. If you will allow me, I would like to share that change with you:
When I turned off the Interstate yesterday afternoon and had no idea where I actually was or what path I was going to take home, I was also listening to the radio and the weatherman was telling us about Briarwood and Plaza Towers schools. While the count went up and down there were children who passed away during that hour between 2:57 PM and 3:57 PM the fact remains – children died and so did adults. Some people will say it was random and some will say it was “their time” – whatever you believe, lives ended. As I was hurdling down several 2-lane highways sometimes at 80 miles per hour in an attempt to outsmart, outmaneuver and outrun the myriad tornadoes surrounding me and those in my general vicinity, I felt as though I stepped outside myself. My outside self decided to review my life thus far even as my driving self was silently panicked and intermittently joining Mother Kalamity and Rocket in the Patty Cake song.
I reviewed my early childhood and schooling, my colorful and carefree 20’s, my hardworking and career-climbing 30’s and 40’s. I recalled my first marriage, my daughter and son-in-law, my second marriage, step-sons and new daughter-in-law. My triumphs and failures were ticked off like a grocery list and my newest shining light, Rocket, brought a smile to my face. I pondered the time I left my career to take care of my dying father and the free clinic I created in his honor just 4 years after his death. My outside self told me I had allowed a situation to take hold of me over the last few years that if I allowed to continue would regret as part of my legacy when I left this earth. In that moment I knew we would be fine, death was not imminent and the outside self was gone as quickly as she came. I didn’t have much time to think about it after that because I was very busy! We went to bed early, exhausted from the recollection of events by newsmen and women. When I woke up, cable had been restored and there were even more stories of joy and sorrow to be retold over and over again causing me to feel happy, reflective and a bit melancholy.
During the drive to the conference, I remembered those moments in the car when I clearly thought I was driving into death and tried to recall what the particular regret could possibly be – but the drive was short and the next thing you know I’m directing seniors and answering questions, leaving little time to wonder about my personal dilemma. Sometime during the morning someone tapped on my shoulder. When I turned I saw a woman I had not seen in at least two years – a person I respected and whose opinion I valued. Not a friend, but someone I used to work for. I was thrilled to see her hugging her so tightly she probably felt faint! We spoke for a few moments and as she turned to go into the Plenary Session she leaned in and whispered to me that I was one of her best employees, I should be so proud of the things I had accomplished in my career and to never regret choosing public service. As she walked away, I wondered if this was a clue into what outside self was trying to reveal to me. I thought it might be, but as often happens these days, I doubted myself and brushed it off as coincidence.
About two hours later, I was at a different station answering questions and directing people to lunch. Way down the corridor I saw silver hair gleaming in the sunlight and the form of a once young but now older man striding directly towards me with a huge smile on his face. Good grief! This must be a segment of “This is Your Life” because that man was another person I respect and worked for several years ago. Wow – nearly all my supervisors are now Seniors! He grabbed my hand with a firm grip and pulled me to him for a big bear hug. We talked about his recent health crisis and our new grandchildren. He was as happy and witty as ever – time and poor health had not taken his love of life. As he held my hand in a handshake he squeezed it tightly and looking me straight in the eye he said, “Listen to me – you can create gold from yarn and paper clips. You were a valued member of my team and I never regret that I brought you on board”. He winked as he often did and then asked out loud, “Where’s that wife of mine?” Off he went.
I immediately knew what outside self was talking about yesterday and while I am still very sorry and sad for all the devastation – I learned something from it. I learned that still do not want to die with any regrets. It makes a situation that has given me high anxiety for so long now, so much clearer. I feel a peace I have not felt for several years and I don’t feel like a cat trying to get out of a tied up paper bag. Things that made me feel bad and insecure before now I see – say much more about the other than me.
I feel a renewed sense of purpose concerning my family, my cooking and my blog. I also have a renewed sense of purpose about my career. No matter how it comes, I will welcome the change that is in the air knowing that I and not someone else is the Captain of my ship! I also am so grateful for those of you who read my blog with regularity and comment with wishes of support and encouragement. Thank you!
Now, the winner of the Goldtouch Bake Ware. I had Mr. Picky Eater do the random number while I was at work today because I worried that the Internet and cable would be down again this evening. He gave every comment a number from 1 to 31 only he started from the bottom up and the winner is: Pamasaurus! Pam – you have 24 hours from now to email me at Davidson.kelli@gmail.com and give me your mailing address or I will need to choose another winner. Congratulations!
We will return to regularly scheduled recipes now – and thank you!
I’m so, so glad that you and your family are alive and healthy. I’ve been seeing the news reports, and I have to turn them off. It’s just too much. I always follow that Mr. Roger’s Quote about looking for the helpers. It definitely does show that the good far outweighs the bad in this world.
I’m also glad that you were able to find a renewed sense of purpose and peace within yourself. Moments like that definitely don’t happen often, but are pretty amazing <3
And… I'm also glad that I won. Haha. I'm emailing you right after I hit the send button here. I'm so flippin excited! Thanks for being such an amazing person. Don't let anyone extinguish your awesome light <3
I am so happy you and your family are ok my friend but truly, this has been a terrible disaster, every time I see the news it is all over it 🙁
It is indeed a moment which can make you reflect and change your perspective due its significance – I hope we can all help out as best as possible!
Cheers
Choc Chip Uru
An insightful post and I know where you are coming from. I lived in Key Largo, Florida during hurricane Andrew. Events like what happened, make you look at your life and the lives of those around you very differently. I’m happy that you and your family are all safe. I still pray for those who have gone through this terrible ordeal….it takes such a long time to get over something like that.
I’m glad you found a new sense of purpose. I was once in the path of a tornado(no where near the size of what just happened) and I can still remember the color of the sky and strange feeling in the air. When they gave the warnings I stopped at a visitors center and they told me that if I saw one to drive to the nearest farmhouse and knock on the door because they would let me in. I thought they were kidding at first, but they weren’t. I got lucky and didn’t have to do that because I managed to stay ahead of it’s path as I drove across the state. It definitely makes you examine things.
Yes, we Okies have found that when someone comes to your door and the sky (yellow or green) is tornado colored they are more worried about surviving than about taking advantage of you! once you see that color – you NEVER forget it and you always look for it when storms are forecast.
I love everything about this post. But my favorite part was when the gentleman told you that you can create gold out of yarn and paperclips. That has got to be the nicest compliment I have ever heard. He obviously knew you well. You don’t need to thank us for reading your blog. I am sure we are all here because of posts like these. Thank YOU.
You are so sweet Stacy! He’s a great plain spoken (although well educated) gentleman who always put the craziest words together and made them sound eloquent! Thank you for your kind words and sentiments – and for sharing my FB post about the animals needing help!
This post gave me so much to think about. Thanks Kelli, and I am so glad you and your family are safe. 🙂
I’m so glad! That’s what I wanted it to do!! Thank you for the good wishes!
Thank you for sharing your personal feelings and the clarity and sense of purpose you feel you gained. I’m just grateful that you, my friend, are safe. We’ve all been through too much…
Thank you Anita – yes, as I told Chocolate Chip Uru – I’m on heartbreak overload and am only watching cable and reruns – at some point, it just becomes too much.
Such a relief to learn that you and yours are ok. I’ve heard from other relatives in OK and they are also ok, although they were not nearly as close to the tornado as you were!
God works in mysterious ways, Ms. Kelli. I’m sure he’s been guiding your path and will continue to do so. We love you!
Love ya back, cuz!
“… I doubted myself and brushed it off as coincidence.” I read that and thought, “Wow…I’ve done that so many times.”
I’m glad both of these things took place on the same day like that and got your attention. Because whatever it is…it’s obvious you are suppose to do it!
Yes and I think I had just been putting off the decision because of fear of the unknown – but – I used to embrace that sort of thing. Time to do it again!
How eloquent you put this. I just today was able to talk to one and email another of my former students (a couple of kiddos—now adults—who touched my heart and will always by “my kids.” One is an ER doc now and she was still a bit shaky. The other “kid” told me about trying to find safe shelter in a church with her young son. Both of their homes in Moore barely missed getting destroyed.
I think that every Oklahoman has a story. So glad you were safe!
yes – it’s terribly scary! A co-worker did not lose her home but she has to walk a mile in to GET to her home. She’s staying in a hotel and it seems to me they are charging a high price for that but maybe it’s just me. It’s funny how so many Oklahoman’s have made donations out of what people need but not the hotels!
Thank goodness you’re OK. I love how you’ve reflected on what happened yesterday and you were able to see the positive. You are an inspiration!
Beth
Wow–amazing stuff, Kelli. Am so glad you and your family ok and also glad you’ve come to a good place in your heart and mind. I hardly know you, but am well aware of your kind heart and generous soul. And then there’s that twinkle in your eye 😉 Keep on doing what you do–whatever it may be 🙂
Thanks and you are in mine as well! Heck, do we ever really KNOW anyone? 🙂 I think we know each other great!
Kelli so glad you and yours are well! what a sad week it has been for those who have been through these hard moments. sorry to have read your post so late but really happy you are doing well and that you have a renewed sense of purpose; amazing, you must feel different. Thank you so much for sharing this with us.
Glad to know that you and your family are OK, Kelli. I can imagine the pain and horror for those who were affected because I grew up in a country that sees on average 21 typhoons every year. The big difference though is that the tornado reduced everything to a pulp. I share in the grief of the victims especially those who have lost dear loved ones. 😉
So sweet of you to say – Thank you!!